So, I Had A Mental Breakdown Around 3 am This Morning. It’s Not Easy To Admit Because I HAVE To Be Strong For EVERYONE Around Me, Including Myself & My Now 3 Children. My Youngest Being 6 Months & Pregnant Again (I’m Currently 19 Weeks). ALONE! Plus Mom Guilt Is Gnawing At Me Constantly.

So, Anyways My Mom Comes To My Rescue , As She Does. (Which I Am So Appreciative) But She Asks Me So Delicately “You Need Me To Take Her” & I Lash Back Saying “It’s Fine, These Are My Kids” & Just Like That I’m Crying In The Fetal Position Telling My Mom “I’m Just So Tired , I Don’t Even Want To Be Pregnant” & Can I Be Completely Honest With NO Judgement (Because You Must First Know The Whole Story Before Forming Your Opinions Against Me). I Didn’t Want To Have My Last 2 Kids. I Was Perfectly Fine With My Almost Now 9 Year Old Daughter & My Almost 3 Year Old Son.

It’s A Lot To Handle 4 Kids , By Yourself For Any Person. But I Am Trying My Best & Most Days I Wish I Could Just Go To Work & Be Able To Provide For My kids & Household. It Also Helped With My Depression, Being Able To Go To Work Is Something I Will Never Take For Granted Again.

But Back To My Morning ; My Mother Covered Me Up & Let Me Cry. Took My Daughter & Hung Out For 30 Mins. Enough Time For Me To Cry, Go Pee , Blow My Nose, Smoke Some Weed , & Calmly Came Back For My Daughter. My Mom Even Asked Me Again Before She Went Back To Sleep “Do You Need Me To Take Her” With Her Very Concerned Look That She Only Gives Me When She Knows I Need The Help But Will Never Ask. I Looked At Her And Said “No, I Think I Got Her, Thank You So Much”. & She Went To Bed. A Couple Mins After That My Daughter Is Asleep On My Chest, Where She Belongs.

I Love All My Kids , But Mentally I Don’t Think I Should Have Anymore (& Again You Don’t Know The Full Story) Maybe I’ll Share That For A Different Day. Even The Strongest Tend To Fold Sometimes.. But I Know I Can Always Count On My Mom To Be There For Me When I, Myself Or My Kids Need Her. I Love You So Much, Mom! Thank You For EVERYTHING You Do.